Welcome to
RTO RECOVERY

If you think you may have a problem with alcohol or have questions, you have come to the right place. I am here to share my story and what worked for me to get sober. My name is Jeff Smith, and my goal is to lend guidance to anyone who thinks they might have a problem. This is a “safe place,” and you are as anonymous as you want to be. 

Feel free to use the chat in the bottom right corner to connect anytime, 24/7. If you feel that you need professional help right away, please click below.

*Disclaimer-I am not a licensed professional or affiliated with any organization in any way. I built this website for the sole purpose of helping others like me who have struggled with alcohol in their life. 

Need immediate help?

My Story

The Early Years
By all accounts, I had a typical American childhood. My parents weren't divorced, I wasn't abused, and we weren't poor. Sure, we struggled like a lot of families in the 80s, but one thing my parents did was provide for us. My dad was in the Air Force, so I moved a lot when I was young. I frequently had to make new friends. Perhaps that is where my need to be a people pleaser began. I always to just "belong" no matter who I was with.
My First Drink
I think that desire to fit in led to my first drink. Did I know it was wrong when I took that first sip? Sure did. Did I drink it anyways? You bet I did. How I ever made it through that first drink (or first several) is beyond me. It was awful. But I drank it because I didn't want to be an "outcast." I choked down drink after drink and eventually became buzzed.
Many More to Come
It was that buzz that got me hook, line, and sinker. Suddenly, I wasn't quite so shy. Suddenly, I felt like I was sort of funny. Suddenly, I felt like I "belonged." I became good at drinking. Being a big dude, I was able to really put them away. I became known in high school as a big drinker. It was a badge of honor. Talk about being young and dumb. Little did I know the toll it would take on me over time.
I Should Have Known
They say your first time is supposed to be "special." I don't remember mine. The only way I know (or think I know) it happened was when I woke up and there was a condom wrapper on the floor of the bedroom I slept in. That's super memorable, but not in the way it should have been. That would be the first of many blackouts I would experience over my 30 year drinking "career." If you know, you know.
Never Say Never
I was a student-athlete. At least I was until I started to drink. That all ended when I turned 16, got my license, and had my first drink. I swore I would never drink or do drugs. By my senior year in high school I was no longer an athlete and barely qualified as a student. Basketball and soccer were things of the past. Merit and honor roll? Gone. I missed 62 days of first set my final year in high school and had to go to summer school to get my degree. Oh, and by then I had started smoking weed. Daily.
But Why?
High school came and went. For some reason I continued to run with the wrong crowd. I knew better. Was my need to feel like I belonged so strong that it defied all reason? Nah. It was the alcohol. I just wanted to go where the booze was. I wanted to be around people that were "like" me and get blackout drunk all the time. Again, I should have known. People were around me because of what I could provide for them, not because I was who I was or because they liked me. You know what they say about hindsight.
A Good Woman
Behind every man is a good woman. No truer words have been spoken and apply in my life. Had I not met my wife, I would either be in jail or dead. She has saved my life countless unseen times. Naomi epitomizes the "for better or worse" vow. For some reason she stuck with me through thick and thin. Well, I know the reason now. It was divine intervention. A power you and I cannot see is responsible for her being in my life and me being able to sit here and try to do the same for someone else.
It Got Better...Then Worse
As I grew older and and became more domesticated, the amount of time spent in bars dwindled. However, the amount of booze I consumed remained the same. Then it increased over time. I didn't have a problem. I was married, had a good job, earned a college degree while working full time, and thought I was a "good" man. After all, alcoholics can't keep jobs, right? Right? Wrong.
Fully Functional
I lied to myself. I lied to myself so I could continue to drink. I kept a job (a good one, mind you). I had what I thought was a good marriage. I had it all. The problem was, I really had nothing. I had a hole in my heart. I used alcohol to fill it. It was a band aid. Ever hear the term functioning alcoholic? That is not a medical term. Folks experiencing this might be referred to as sufferers of Alcohol Use Disorder, only the symptoms don't include a breakdown of professional, social or family life–which are common signs of alcoholism.
Ignoring the Signs
One memory that sticks out from early on in my drinking career comes from when I was maybe 20 or 21. My then roommate was going to college and didn't want any partying in the apartment that night. Well, that wouldn't do. I wanted to drink. I walked a couple miles to the store to buy some Milwaukee Best Ice of all things. After all, I wanted to get drunk. I then proceeded to walk even farther to my abandoned grandparents old house and freeze my tush off in a house with no heat or electricity. All to get a buzz. Brilliant.
More Signs
Another early indicator that I had an issue occurred when I was about 25. I was sitting at a bar with my brother-in-law on a Saturday afternoon. Suddenly, I had a swarm of panic come over me. I couldn't pick up my beer. I needed a straw from the bartender to suck it down, and then began to feel better. Looking back, it was probably my first bout of withdrawals. In my 30s, I felt I had anxiety, so I got on Lexapro. That didn't work, so I had my doc up the dosage. Mind you, my consumption was increasing along with the prescription.
Hard Conversations
There were various instances such as these throughout my early 30s and into my 40s. The hangovers began to get worse. I would get "hangxiety" so bad that I could not leave the house. Alcohol was beginning to negatively impact my life and I knew it. I had to have some hard conversations with myself (and my wife). I even asked her if we could maybe start hanging out with different people so I wouldn't feel the need to drink. I would later learn in AA that changing your friends or your address won't get you sober. You have to want to do it.
A Vicious Cycle
The conversations with myself and my wife produced some very short-term positive results. Within about a month I was back at it. My typical routine consisted of me drinking heavily for four of five days straight (usually Tuesday/Wednesday to Saturday). Then I would be so sick I could not drink another day. I would tell me self I need to quit. But by Tuesday I was feeling better so I told myself I'm just going to drink today. Well, that never happened and the cycle repeated week after week, month after month, and year after year.
The Beginning of the End
The day was March 8, 2022. It was my 46th birthday. I was about a year into my current role as owner of Hometown Rent to Own and I could come and go as I pleased. I decided to meet my brother-in-law for lunch at a bar. It was my birthday after all and I was going to celebrate. All day. We started at noon and by five my wife was picking me up at a different bar at the end of our road. Open beer can in the console of my $75k truck that she drove my drunk ass home in. Brilliant decision making on my part. Such is life as an alcoholic.
The Final Straw
For some reason my amazing wife still wanted to have dinner with me to celebrate my birthday. We went to an Italian place that we frequent. I of course ordered a beer. A 2X IPA, because I wasn't already drunk enough apparently. About half way through that beer my wife took out her phone and filmed me. I had no recollection of that until the next day when I was presented with video evidence of how inebriated I was. Mind you, I was in my Hometown attire that day. Talk about a complete and utter embarrassment.
Kicking and Screaming
It was that video that put me over the edge. I had to do something. But I didn't want to quit drinking. I loved to drink. It was who I was. It was part of my identity. "Oh that Smitty, he's a big drinker." I was proud of that. I started doing some research on how to reduce my alcohol consumption. I found options like Naltrexone, Acamprosate, Disulfiram, and Topiramate. These would be my solution. I could still drink socially but not be an alcoholic. This was perfect.
Divine Intervention
My yearly physical was that April, just a little over a month from the video. I had my medication of choice that I was going to get prescribed and I was going to fix my issue. Not so fast, my friend, said my doctor. She would not prescribe any of the medications I requested. Instead, she slipped a piece of paper to me with a date and time of an AA meeting. Turns out she is a recovering alcoholic and 12 years sober herself. She had already known I had a problem based on my liver enzyme numbers. Who knew? God. That's who.
My Recovery Journey
It just so happened my appointment was on a Monday, the day of the meeting she suggested I attend. I somewhat reluctantly went to that meeting. In a lifetime full of bad decisions influenced by drinking, this was the one decision that would change my life for the better. Forever. Since that day, April 16th, 2022, I have not had one single drop of alcohol, and for that I am grateful. I have never been in a better place spiritually, personally, and professionally. That is why I am here. I want to give what I have been fortunate enough to receive.
What I've Learned
Alcoholism is a selfish disease. Selfish because we put alcohol before all else. We prioritize it and discard the consequences of our actions as if they are dixie cups. I don't know how many things I missed out on in my past because of this. If I was on vacation with my wife, we would not go to a highly rated diner or other restaurant if they didn't serve booze. I was on vacation, damn it, and I am going to start my day with a beer at lunch. Then the rest of the day would be scheduled around things that had to be associated with or provided booze near by. Selfish.
What I've Learned (Continued)
When we are in active addiction, all we think about is where our next drink is coming from. We don't care about what it means for others around us. I've learned that there are millions out there like me. I've learned that people in AA are normal people. They are not homeless vagrants. Alcoholics walk amongst us. There are programs out there to help us. What works for one, may not work for another. I used a combination of AA, Tik Tok (yes, Tik Tok), therapy, and work to get sober. For you, strictly joining AA and working the program may work. You may not like it at all, but know there are options out there.
A Blessing and a Curse
Buying into my current business has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. Not for the reasons you may think. Sure, it has lots of perks. But being my own boss unleashed my true inner alcoholic which eventually led me to recovery. You see, once I lost the structure of the 9 to 5 work week, I began to drink even more. Suddenly I was staying up long after my wife went to back and getting blackout drunk regularly. I would wake up feeling awful. You know what worked? A little shot of whiskey in the coffee. Soon I felt better. That would lead to lunch beers. By 2 or 3 in the afternoon I was "napping" or so I told my wife. I was actually passed out drunk already. The video I spoke of was my "rock bottom."
Different For Everyone
I keep preaching that recovery is different for everyone. So is our rock bottom. You don't have go to jail or get a DUI. It could just be tiring of the guilt, shame, and remorse we feel because we are addicted to alcohol. That is ultimately what it came down to for me. I could not keep feeling the way I felt. The video helped me see who I was with alcohol in my life. I've also learned that you can't quit unless you do it for YOU. You can't do it for your family or friends. It won't work. You have to take back control of YOUR life. Admittedly, I have only gotten to Step 4 of the 12 Steps of AA. But the most important step of all is Step 1. That step says "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable." This step requires recognizing and admitting that one is unable to control their drinking and that their lives have become chaotic and difficult as a result.
What's Helped Me
There were a lot of phrases that helped me during my time in AA. Perhaps the biggest help to me was doing service work and being around other sober folks. One of my favorite sayings was "sober faces, sober places." I can't stress the importance of this early on. Something else AA emphasizes is facing the past, not avoiding or regretting it, but instead learning from it to build a better future. What helped me the most of all was therapy. When I got sober, I came to the realization that there was something eating at me to drink the way I did for 30 years. Counseling sessions were exactly what I needed. Society tells us that we have to be strong and that mental illness is a weakness. That is not the case. It is ok to not be ok. We all need help at some point in our lives. Make sure you ask for it when you need it. It could change your life.
Life Lessons
Therapy was exactly what I needed to get me to the finish line of my recovery process. I held resentments. Lots of them. Many of them were unwarranted. In talking through things, I was able to take accountability for MY actions that impacted the circumstances of my life. Once you are able to let go and forgive those who you think have wronged you, then you can truly begin to live. I was 18 and wanted to be treated like an adult. I didn't want the responsibilities that came with it. I just wanted to party and have a good time. I blamed my parents for not "reeling me in." They tried. I was just too young and dumb to listen. Once I was able to point the thumb at myself instead of the finger at others, I was finally free of my burdens.
Final Thoughts
There are so many things I am sure I have left out. I had thoughts of writing this all out in a formal fashion but decided to just let it flow. What I really want to say is, if you can relate to my story at all, then you may have a problem with alcohol. If you have questioned your consumption amounts, there is a good chance you have an issue. Please reach out. If not to me, to someone. Help is out there. You can beat this. You don't have to be a slave to alcohol any longer. I am living proof. And trust me, if I can do it, you most certainly can. Feel free to use the chat in the bottom right corner to get in touch. No need to use a real name. Just ask your questions. If I don't have an answer, I'll put you in touch with someone who does. God bless.

Helpful Apps

These apps are great tools to help you on your journey. I strongly suggest giving meetings a try early on in your recovery. The structure and fellowship that AA provides helped me stay focused early on and equipped me with many of the tools I still use today to remain sober. The counter app awards badges for milestones that help you stay engaged throughout your journey. Several years in, I still look forward to receiving these milestone notifications.

Meeting Guide
(Apple)

Click the image to download the Meeting Guide App from Apple.

Sobriety Counter
(Apple)

Click the image to download the Sobriety Counter App from Apple.

Meeting Guide
(Google)

Click the image to download the Meeting Guide App from Google.

Sobriety Counter
(Google)

Click the image to download the Sobriety Counter App from Google.

Informative Charts & Data

Scroll to Top